I weigh 42kgs of niceness (wink). And no, I’m not in high school. I’m way too old. I’m petite I know but I feel like people exaggerate by how they tell me how small I look. So many ladies I know wish they were my size. People say that I should be happy I’m ‘thin’ (which I am in fact). Others say nice things like, “Have you ever thought of being a model? You got a perfect body for that.”
Others say things like, “Why don’t you just feed your body?” or “come live with me for just a month or two. You’ll grow bigger.” I have been told that at my age, I look grossly malnourished. Because in Kenya, and Africa, when you’re fleshy it means you’re healthy.
But there is this other breed of people, especially men who idle on the street to wait and make fun of and hurt God’s children’s feelings. Those who think would do better with some more flesh on this or the other part of your body. And they actually insult you for apparently not having the flesh they think you should have. And go further to tell you how you have no right to feel proud because ‘there’s nothing you have’.
Now, I know you’ve all ever heard of this ‘hatukwambii wewe ni mnene lakini ukikalia viti mbili lipa’ joke.
How many times have you told people to try and lose some weight because they look bad? How many times have you heard your friends say someone is ugly because they are big? Have you told anyone you can’t hear them when they speak because you’re taller than them? Has your child made another person’s child hate school because he is made fun of because of his height?
This is what body shaming sounds like. It’s sad that it is something we hear almost every day. When someone makes critical, potentially humiliating comments about someone else’s body size, weight, and even height.
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Sometimes, even we ourselves are our biggest enemies. Don’t we criticize our own appearance through judgement or comparison to other people and conclude we are ugly?
Effects of body shaming on health.
The society and the media too has set standards of what a perfect body size should look like. The idea of perfection is a notion placed on females by society. This leads to many girls or women to take extreme steps to achieve what they believe is a perfect body.
It leads to the formation of unrealistic body ideals that can be aligned to low self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, stress and anxiety issues.
People who experience incessant body shaming often end up feeling ashamed of their natural bodily functions such as sweating, menstruating and eating which they work hard to keep hidden.
This means they deny themselves quality health care leading them to suffer from serious diseases and conditions.
The most common eating disorder related to body shaming and the need to look perfect is an anorexia. People suffering from anorexia generally have very low body weight relative to their height and body type caused by self-starvation.
What to do to get over body shaming.
- Love yourself. No one else can love you like you. Focus on being healthy rather than struggle to have the kind of body the media or society deems perfect.
- Break the cycle of body negativity. No one should make you feel bad about how you look.
- Give yourself a break. Do not judge yourself or your body. Tell yourself that it is you and you accept yourself as my friend does. Own your experience.
There are severe cases of body shaming effects where the victim needs to seek help from a professional.
Meanwhile, we are all human with feelings, regardless of our size, weight, and height. We should learn to be considerate. Think of how your comment on another person’s body will affect their feelings.
Most importantly, let us all remember what a good friend of mine told me this morning; being slim is okay, being big is okay. What is not okay is body shaming.