Here Is Why Monogamy Is Good For The Children

By Lynnet Okumu / Published June 22, 2021 | 2:13 pm




KEY POINTS

Monogamy is a form of dyadic relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime alternately, only one partner at any one time.


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I hear so much from many of my friends, both married and unmarried, arguing that monogamy is somehow unnatural due to evolutionary characteristics such as competition. Some even go ahead to tell me that they will never have intentions of settling down with any one person.

Monogamy is a form of dyadic relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime alternately, only one partner at any one time.

In layman’s language, it is simply having one wife or girlfriend per se since am not sure polygamy applies to women.

“So many people think relationships are meant to be shared with one person, but maybe monogamy isn’t the only way. I think some people are monogamous by orientation, and if they try to force themselves to be monogamous it’s going to hurt them.” Mr. Lawrence Abwao, a friend of mine ones told me when I asked him after realizing he was planning to take a third wife.

Okay, honestly that was new to me.

In the old days, people used to practice polygamy because it was their way of life. you would be called a fool if you had one or two wives. This was understandable because they had the means and the resources to take care of the many wives plus their children. And another thing that was not a joke was childbearing. One wife could bear 10 to 15 children, so you can calculate the number of children in that family if you had five or six wives.

Even with this, life was still very smooth for them. The wives got along quite well and made their children do the same.

But now childbearing isn’t the issue. In the current space that we’re in right now even having two wives is a problem.

Am not saying that there are no polygamous families that have strived.  Of course, there are very many, but are they healthy families?

Is the environment in these families conducive for the psychological, emotional, and physical growth of both the parents and the children?

The answer is obviously no. 21st-century men cannot keep polygamous marriages intact. They get into it but cannot maintain not just in terms of finances but overall, they cannot control the institution. children are mostly the victims of polygamous marriages.

“The principal disadvantage of monogamy is lack of variety. It has the potential to lead to routine and possibly boredom, “A male friend told me in an attempt to explain why he will never opt for monogamy.

Am surprised that we have reached a level where the excitement in a relationship n is equated with the ability to be with several individuals potentially as part of an open or sometimes polygamous relationship.

How can someone just come to the decision that he will never settle down with one? Does it mean that one can settle down with many, let’s say 4 or 5? If yes then maybe am the one who does not understand the meaning of settling down.

Jealousy can be a factor in any type of relationship, monogamous or polygamous. I thought that it’s even worse in polygamous relationships because they will complete almost everything. Am wondering how it’s become the complete vice versa.

I think the best gift that we can give our children is having one partner for a lifetime.

I feel that children need all the support and assistance they can get and when it comes to parenting, four hands are better than two. This is not the case for polygamous families because they are divided attention. In most cases, only mothers know their children and their abilities. so the assistance is from a single hand. The children do not get the necessary fatherly assistance as they should. In short, it almost sounds like single parenting but the only difference is that in polygamous families the father extends help a time though not in all the areas needed.

Monogamy is so straight as much as it might have its downfalls. Couples in a monogamous relationship share undivided love and attention and makes it so easier to bring up children in a healthy and peaceful atmosphere.

Remember that is the only legal marriage relationship in law and according to church.

Polygamy comes with a lot of disadvantages that may lead the children away from their parents. when this happens then it’s no longer a family again. The increased rivalry between the wives in the family due to maybe favoritism, jealousy makes it so hard for the children to grow in complete harmony and peace.

What surprises me more is the rate at which men neglect their foster families in Kenya and embrace their other new families.

Have seen a father neglecting a whole family of one wife and four children back in the village and marries another wife in the city of Nairobi. He has completely forgotten about them, including what they eat, what they wear, or how the children pay their school fees?

I witnessed how a friend of mine struggled in the middle of her college studies because his father married another wife and I couldn’t believe it until one of her sisters went to visit the dad where he has the new family and she was chased away by the stepmother, indicating that she was not welcomed in that house.

This is just one case ou of many that occur every day because of polygamy. children are suffering out in the streets because they have to help their mothers take care of the family. After all, the father has gone to the other family.

This is why I said the men are too weak to make it work, I mean he’s the head and he controls the family so why would he allow his second or third wife to mistreat his child from another wife? Or why would he just decide to let his other family go through hell because he added another wife?

Children are running away from home because there is no peace. children are committing suicide because they’ve lost hope and there’s no one to talk to. Mother and father are busy fighting over attention every day.

There is complete faithfulness in a monogamous relationship hence reduced chances of spreading sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV.

Polygamy is not for everyone. It’s kind of in vogue right now. For those who are not yet married, just take your time and pick that one partner that will stay forever. Stay in your marriage and avoid unnecessary chaos if you already married. Monogamy is the best dose.

Read More: South Africa Women Will Soon Marry More Than One Husband







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