The eCitizen Mirage: Digitizing The Art Of Vanishing Billions With A Click
By Steve Biko Wafula / Published February 10, 2024 | 12:38 pm
In the heart of Kenya, a digital revolution brews, promising efficiency and the end of bureaucratic queues. But beneath this shiny veneer of progress lies a cunning plot, a masterful design to streamline the ancient craft of public fund disappearance.
Welcome to the eCitizen platform, the government’s latest magic trick, where your money vanishes into the digital ether with the ease of a magician’s sleight of hand.
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- The Great Digital Heist: Imagine, if you will, a world where losing billions isn’t just easy—it’s efficient. The eCitizen platform, in its digital splendor, offers just that: a high-tech conduit for funds to mysteriously slip between the cracks. Why bother with the old-school skullduggery when you can lose money at the speed of light?
- The Illusion of Accountability: With the grand illusionists at the Treasury, CBK, and KRA previously baffled by the Vanishing Billions Act, eCitizen is poised to be the grand stage where this confusion is not just repeated, but amplified. After all, when money’s lost in the digital realm, tracing it is as futile as searching for a needle in a haystack—only the needle is digital, and the haystack, infinite.
- The Unsolvable Mystery: When inevitably, funds do disappear, prepare for the spectacle of blame-shifting and finger-pointing. Picture this: shadowy hackers from the vague “South Central Europe” are accused, and the nation is held in suspense, awaiting the grand reveal that never comes. The plot thickens, but the funds? Forever thinned.
- The Return to Antiquity: In a dramatic twist, we’ll find ourselves back where we started, clutching at paper receipts and standing in lines, as the eCitizen platform undergoes a “security overhaul.” A nostalgic return to inefficiency, as the digital dream is deferred, and the vanished funds become a mere footnote in the annals of bureaucratic legend.
- The Applause for Invisibility: As the cycle repeats, we stand in awe of the audacity, clapping for the magicians who make our taxes disappear without a trace. Our laughter, a is coping mechanism for the absurdity of witnessing daylight robbery without the robbers ever seeing the inside of a jail cell.
- The Redirection of Rage: Frustration turns to fascination, as we’re entertained by the next scandal, forgetting the digital debacle as just another episode in the long-running series of governmental gaffes. The eCitizen platform once heralded as the future, is now a cautionary tale of innovation gone awry.
- The Final Act – The Rebirth of eCitizen: As the curtain rises again, promises of a new, invulnerable eCitizen fill the air. A phoenix rising from the ashes of its shortcomings, ready to dazzle us with the promise of security and efficiency. Yet, in the back of our minds, the question lingers: Is this just the setup for the next act in the grand illusion of digital governance?
It is important to note that the eCitizen platform serves as a vivid reminder: in the quest for digital solutions, let us not forget the lessons of the past. In the digital age, the art of losing billions has never been more sophisticated—or more convenient.
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