It Is Official: Kenyans Now Handed Over To The Taxman To Be Choked

It is now official that Kenyans have been handed over by their Members of Parliament to the hungry taxman to be taxed to the core.

On Thursday, Kenyan ‘Honorable’ Members of Parliament trooped to the National Assembly with the sole purpose of discussing then either voting for or against President Uhuru Kenyatta’s recommendations on how he wanted Kenyans taxed.

How It All Started

In 2013, Parliamentarians passed the Financial Bill that set to introduce 16 percent VAT on all petroleum products. Upon being signed into law, it was given a grace period of three years and was supposed to come into effect on the 1st of September 2016.

When 2016 came knocking, and with an election ahead, wise politicians thought that it would lead to a public outcry that would ‘deny’ them votes. They decided to suspend the implementation of the same for two years. The implementation of the 16 percent VAT was to come into effect on 1st of September 2018.

Few days to the implementations of the law, Members of Parliament woke up from slumberland, rushed to parliament and voted to suspend the implementation of the same for further two years to 1st of September 2020. As the voted, Treasury CS Henry Rotich effected the same, forcing the price of petrol to spike to 127 shillings, that of diesel to 115 shillings and that of kerosene to 97 shillings in Nairobi. Fuel prices became even higher in other parts of the country.

READ: Why President Uhuru Kenyatta’s Memo is More Expensive Than The 16 Percent

After the amendments by ‘Honorable’ Members of Parliament, the ball lay at the court of President Uhuru Kenyatta to either agree with the legislators or reject their ‘line of thought’ and give his own. By then, the Head of State was in China for a China-Africa Summit that had brought together African heads of states or let us call them beggars because they had actually gone for loans.

When the President came back, all eyes were focused on him. He went mute for some days and when he resurfaced, he rejected the amendments. He then went ahead to draft a memo that detailed how he wanted Kenyans taxed. Among the proposals from the president were the reduction of the 16 percent VAT on fuel by half to 8 percent. Some Kenyans celebrated. Some thanked the president. But what they did not know was that the son of Jomo was going to make them pay through the nose.

Ball Thrown Back to Parliament

President Uhuru Kenyatta’s memo was taken back to parliament. Members of Parliament were to either agree with the President or disagree with him through a vote.

When the time to decide whether to shield the wanjiku or not came, the ‘honorable house’ became chaotic. Members behaved as though they were high on something, some staging a walk-out of parliament, some started singing songs, some screamed and some, just watched from a distance, away from parliament where they could not even vote.

Speakers of the National Assembly behaved like clear agents of doom, overturning the ‘will of the majority’ who had ‘shouted the loudest’ to contradict President Uhuru Kenyatta’s memo. “May as many as of a similar opinion say ‘AYE’…? (The ayes shouted) and may as many as of a contrary opinion say ‘NAY’… (The nays roared)”. But what was the speaker’s verdict? “THE AYES HAVE IT.” I think that the speaker should be admitted to the critical hearing problem.

In the end, Kenyans were officially handed over to the eagerly waiting taxman to be choked to death.

How Your Pockets Will Be Squeezed

It is now official that President Uhuru Kenyatta’s recommendations have sailed through parliament. The President has already signed them into law.

Fuel prices have now gone up by 8 percent. This means that a liter of super petrol will retail at an average of 118 shillings with that of diesel retailing at least 108 shillings. Kerosene consumers should prepare themselves for the tough ride ahead. The price of kerosene will now go up by 10 shillings.

Making calls is going to be expensive. The prices are set to go up by 15 percent. Online enthusiasts have not been spared. Data prices are expected to go up by 15 percent. Mobile money transfer charges are expected to go up by 20 percent the same as transactions in banking halls. For chocolate lovers, for every kilogram you buy, the taxman makes away with 20 percent.

Here is where it gets interesting. For salaried employees, you will now have to part with 1.5 percent of your salary to finance the construction of ‘affordable houses’ that you might never even live in. As per the recommendations, which will have now become law, the 1.5 percent deduction is MANDATORY.