Top 10 Most Weird Jobs in Kenya

Kenyans know too well the strain to make ends meet but so do a majority of Africans.‘Don’t tell me about low levels of unemployment, you are counting the wrong things, you are not counting dignity of people, you are counting exploited people!’ This was Oxfam’s International Executive Director, Winnie Byanyima’s epic response to a Silicon Valley Investor when defining economic equality.

Byanyima expressed the frustration in the job market for a majority of Africans raising dissatisfaction on the quality of jobs most Africans have to do to survive a day.

Byanyima gave the example of a Kenyan taxi ride she had that cost her less than 2 dollars in Nairobi, apparently, 20 percent of the 2 dollars was to go to the Global company that owned the network while the rest would be shared between the driver, maintenance of the car and the car owner. What Winnie Byanyima does not know is that there are worse and weirder jobs in Kenya that are not dignifying, to say the least, but still feature in the ranking of determining Kenya’s employment rate.

Ends must meet and when most of the leaders in office are mere thieves, murderers, and gossipers who will manipulate their way into the ballot irrespective of what your vote says, men and women must do what they have to do to survive and at times, the job is not what anybody would expect or approve of. Below is a list of some of the Weirdest Jobs Kenyans have to do to survive.

Hired to Cuddle

Who wants to cuddle a total stranger just to make a few coins? The cuddling most often than not ends up in rape but how are such victims able to prove their case.

Majority of the people in the cuddling business are females and young men. This weird business thrives mostly at the Kenyan coast and in Nairobi’s clubs. The young men target aging female foreigners mostly to fill their loneliness while the females target foreigners and locals who are filthy rich and don’t mind paying well for the services. The rates range from 3,000 for an hour going up depending on the depth of the client’s pockets.

Naked dancers

It is not only the famed night runners who get to work in their birthday suits, but there are also dancers who report to their work station in the same attire!

If you are a conservative person holding tightly to your morals, consider carrying a rosary with you whenever you walk around Nairobi’s CBD clubs as you are most likely to come across naked young women dancing to pay their bills. These are not prostitutes but strip dancers who move from one club to another dancing in this special attire and could be most-likely having other jobs by the day.

Clubs pay strip dancers a retainer fee which is added on to by customers at the club who seek services such as lap dances which could last to 30 minutes. The strip girls also target high-end parties.

The strip business could, however, lead to other things depending on the client which would require more money.

Professional mourners

Professional mourners are a necessity to the majority of funerals of political leaders in Western Kenya who seek to have a ‘heroic send-off’.

At a small fee, professional mourners will deafen friends and family of the deceased in their hysterical wails and whistles. Professional mourners negotiate depending on how loud they will mourn and for how long.

They pretend to be in pain for the loss and roll on the ground as if overwhelmed by the emotion of the loss.

The business became so rampant that at some point there were bureaus with agents camping outside mortuaries to rent out mourners to families that seemed alone. Amazing just what money can do for you in Africa!

Sperm, egg donors

Sperm and Egg donation has become mostly trade for the University students in Nairobi who range between 21 years of age and 35 years!

Kenya has sperm banks courtesy of University of Nairobi’s school of medicine, Kenyatta University and Kenyatta National Hospital where women who seek to have children but have a challenge getting the right sperm to go to.

A lab technician reveals that on a good day they get 15 to 20 sperm donors willing to contribute to their banks, obviously at a fee.

Hired Preachers

This trade is common near cemeteries where people seek to lay their loved ones to rest but not before preaching and prayers with a good example of these at the Lang’ata Cemetery.

This mostly occurs when the burial is that of infants or people who are believed to have lost their lives in controversial ways such as while procuring an abortion. The preachers charge a fee to deliver the sermon and prayers.

What remains mysterious is how the majority of these preachers deliver the sermon referring to the deceased as if s/he was well known to them when alive.

Professional Queue Spot Holder

There is a section of Kenyans in Nairobi who actually earn their daily bread from holding queue spots for others.

Long queues at places like Nyayo house and Kenya Revenue Authority have necessitated this awkward career path for a number of Kenyans. The queue holders charge 100 shillings for each hour and all you need to need is give them your contacts for them to update you on when your turn nears to get served. That’s how long Kenyan queues to public facilities can get!

Professional Matatu fillers

This is probably the weirdest job…Matatu fillers! They leave most passengers irritated and confused. These are not the touts who call out onto passengers, they are the individuals who pretend to be boarding a matatu and make the actual passengers board thinking it is about to get full for the journey to begin.

The fake passengers alight one after the other and before you know it an hour has passed as you wait for it to fill and other matatus you left out have left the station.

They are professional matatu fillers who earn around 10-20 shillings per matatu and for them, it is another day at their’ office’. Services of professional Matatu fillers are most sought-after during noon when passengers are rare.

House Sitters

Leaving your house unoccupied in Nairobi is risky especially if it is overnight and you live in a secluded leafy suburb, that is when you require the services of a Housesitter.

House sitters don’t do house chores, they lazy around and create a presence in your house at a fee to avoid thieves.

Professional Demonstrators

Whenever there are demonstrations you see the same faces holding placards mostly. These are Professional demonstrators who are there to create quorum not because they necessarily believe in the purpose of the demonstration.

The demonstrators earn around 500 to 1000 shillings in a day and are expected to whistle and even roll on the ground at times.

Hired Spouses

Hired Spouses came to be following pressure to marry and get married. These individuals will accompany you to upcountry and pretend to be the ideal wife or husband to cool off the pressure.

Pressure to get married is mostly faced by financially able individuals whose climax in life is seen as marriage and children according to the African culture. Charges are dependent on the distance to one’s rural home, a number of lies and how many days to be spent if any.