5 Things Nairobians Will Be Doing In The Village This Season

The Nairobians have arrived in the village for the Christmas and New Year celebrations. Call them the Ku Klaxx clans, terrorizing the villagers like nobody’s business.

The first thing Nairobians are doing in the village is to drink bottled water. You will see them moving up and down the village with a bottle of water the whole day. To them, it is a symbol of status.

Nairobians are also terrorizing villagers with a language that lies between English, mother tongue and Swahili. You will hear them mixing the three languages in one simple sentence.

Nairobians are also “stinking” rich in the village. They are walking at an angle like a re-elected Member of County Assembly (MCA) with some coins to dish out to anyone who “notices them properly.”

READ: List Of 10 Names To Avoid This Festive Season To Save Money

Nairobian ladies are terrorizing the villagers with “selfies” and moving around in twisted postures. They are in high-heeled shoes, trousers with some projecting fingernails, enough to scare the village grandma.

Nairobians are also doing something weird; running very early in the morning in the name of “keeping” fit. When you see them running, please don’t think they are “running mad.” They are just “keeping fit.”

My fellow villagers, for years, these Nairobians have been “stealing” from us. They come with some little “shipping” from the “big city” but when they leave, they want to leave with the whole “store.”

The mathematics of the Nairobians in the village often doesn’t add up. Imagine coming with a shopping of 3,000 shillings but when you leave you want maize, chicken, milk, fruits, and some other things.

Before I forget, do not let them blackmail you when they run out of fare back to Nairobi. Remind them beforehand to save money for their fare back. They will consume everything then “borrow” while promising to “refund” as soon as they get to “Nairobi.”

Merry Christmas good people.