The Government’s Grand Vision: Exporting Kenya’s Future—One Domestic Worker At A Time

In a country that once dreamt of industrial revolution, we now find ourselves hurtling toward a future where our greatest export isn’t innovation, technology, or even talent. No. It’s domestic workers. Yes, the same government that promised to elevate us, to lift us into the 21st century of global competitiveness, now finds its best foot forward is to craft little replicas of Saudi Arabian homes so we can better serve our future masters abroad.

Ah, but wait! Lest we forget, the children of these government officials—let’s not even begin to discuss their stellar academic credentials (the finest tutors of Switzerland, the most elite schools of London)—need not apply for such jobs. No, no, they are far too “brilliant” for such menial tasks. You see, their mathematical prowess, capable of solving complex equations like *1 + 1 = Just Hire Someone*, propels them straight into lucrative positions, where their only contribution is breathing air conditioned by the blood, sweat, and tears of your soon-to-be exported labor.

Behold the glorious future our wise leaders envision! They send their children overseas to sharpen their minds with “global perspectives,” while we build model homes to train our own sons and daughters to scrub floors in the Gulf. What a dazzling juxtaposition of futures: One destined for boardrooms, the other for broomsticks.

But I must give credit where it’s due—the model home idea is nothing short of genius. A true stroke of brilliance. Imagine the innovation! Let us abandon factories, agro-processing plants, and any semblance of self-reliance, for that would be too much work. Let us instead train our people to fit seamlessly into the homes of foreign employers. What a vision for the Kenyan dream!

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And as for their children? Why, they can’t even count change in a supermarket, let alone run a factory. But why would they need to? After all, they are destined to inherit cushy government positions where their primary task will be not to spill their imported lattes on the documents they never read. Who needs math when nepotism is your birthright?

This is the height of satire, but sadly, it is also our reality. Our leaders—whose children cannot fathom the concept of “work” without parental interference—are crafting policies that effectively enslave the rest of us. Their myopic vision ensures that while their offspring enjoy lives of leisure, the rest of Kenya is reduced to a labor force for foreign masters.

Let us applaud them. For only in this land can such an outrageous proposal not just be spoken but championed by those we trust to lead us. Truly, in Kenya, we are the kings and queens of tragic irony.

And to think, we once aspired to be a nation of thinkers, of makers, of doers. Now, we aspire only to serve. How proud our ancestors must be.

Oh yes, how proud our ancestors must be—those who fought for freedom, for dignity, for the right to till our own soil, only for their descendants to be packed off like commodities, neatly trained and prepared to polish someone else’s floors in a foreign land. A bitter smile must stretch across their faces in the afterlife, watching a government so profoundly disconnected from its people, so shamelessly enslaving its citizens while its own progeny lounge in privilege.

The descendants of Mau Mau are not wielding tools to build factories, schools, or even a sustainable future. No. Instead, they are handed mops and aprons, told that their salvation lies not in the land of their birth, but in a foreign nation, where they will be “well-prepared” to serve with competence, diligence, and, above all, obedience.

How did we get here, you ask? Simple. A government that cannot create opportunities resorts to selling off its people. A government so devoid of imagination, of strategy, of empathy, that the only future it envisions is one of servitude. And to add insult to injury, they mock us by calling it a “solution,” a “vision” for employment—when in truth, it is nothing short of modern-day enslavement.

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But do not be fooled. While the rest of us are trained to fit neatly into the servant quarters of Saudi mansions, their own children are being primed for leadership positions they haven’t earned and never will. The future of this country is being mortgaged on the backs of the poor, while the offspring of the rich sit comfortably, their futures secured not by merit, but by the very inequality their parents perpetuate.

So here we are, Kenya. A country not building towards greatness, but perfecting the art of mediocrity. Where the only factory we have is one producing well-trained servants for other nations.

Yes, let us all stand and clap for the CS and this government of visionaries. For they have taken a proud, independent people and turned them into a nation of housemaids and gardeners. What a legacy they leave behind. What a gift they give to the future of Kenya.

And when their children ask why so many Kenyans left, why so many of their peers toil away abroad, the answer will be simple: *Because your parents saw them as nothing more than exports.* And you? Well, you just weren’t fit for the real world anyway.

Kenya—the land of leaders and their children, and the rest of us—headed for export.

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