The Modern Man’s Dilemma: Between ‘Being A Rock’ And ‘Drowning In Expectations’

In this brave new world, we at Soko Directory Investments Ltd have decided to honor men’s health by inviting them to talk via X space: https://x.com/i/spaces/1eaJbapqLweGX —something society taught them never to do. Let’s face it, men today are expected to be silent warriors, the steadfast providers who never flinch.

We are supposed to be the “rocks” holding everything together, even if they are eroding beneath the surface. Yet, here we are, beckoning them to chat about the forbidden—health, fatherhood, and ambition—while secretly hoping they’ll just tough it out like their fathers and grandfathers before them. As the Swahili say, “The man who has no scars has never fought a battle.”

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Oh, the irony! We’ve constructed a society where the moment a man admits he’s struggling, he’s no longer “man enough.” But now, we say, let’s talk about health. Are we really ready to hear what they have to say, or is this just another corporate tick in the “we care” box? “He who learns, teaches,” an African proverb goes, yet how many men learned that admitting weakness isn’t a sin? Perhaps it’s time they teach us the reality behind their stoic silence.

As we cheerily encourage men to discuss family life, let’s not forget the implicit rules. A real man is a father who gives, and gives, and gives until he has nothing left, yet must still appear unbroken. He’s the superhero who picks up the kids, pays the bills, and fixes the leaking sink, all while pretending he isn’t two sleepless nights away from losing his sanity. “An empty sack cannot stand,” goes the ancient wisdom, but when a man’s sack is empty, society will still expect him to stand tall, chest out, like a fearless lion.

Balancing ambitions, we say, as if life is some sort of tightrope act that a man can simply walk across without a safety net. Here’s a secret—most men are juggling flaming torches, with one foot slipping off that rope, but they’ve mastered the art of pretending it’s all under control. After all, “A man who uses force is afraid of reasoning,” so they soldier on, fearing the whispers of failure that haunt every career-driven man who isn’t “there” yet.

Health? Oh, you mean that thing men are supposed to ignore until it lands them in the hospital because “a real man doesn’t complain about a little discomfort.” The warrior culture is so deeply embedded that seeking help is akin to admitting defeat. As the Arabic proverb goes, “He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything.” Yet many men would rather risk it all than be seen as weak. And why not? Society has always been more comfortable with broken men than vulnerable ones.

Yes, let’s talk about fatherhood. Let’s talk about how a man is supposed to be the ever-present dad, the stern yet loving figure, the ATM with a hug, the disciplinarian who’s also a buddy. The African proverb, “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth,” rings true, but who’s embracing the men who are barely keeping their heads above water?

Men are expected to have ambitions—the bigger, the better! But while society pushes them to conquer mountains, it conveniently ignores the weight of those ambitions when they collapse. “He who carries too many eggs will drop some,” goes an old saying. Yet, failure is not an option; it’s a scarlet letter worn for all to see, a permanent mark of inadequacy.

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In the end, we tell men to talk, but we don’t really want them to break character. We prefer them as they are—silent, enduring, reliable, and impervious. A man’s crisis, after all, should never inconvenience the world around him. “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you,” says the African proverb. Yet, what happens when the real enemy is the crushing expectations society has laid upon their broad shoulders?

Balancing ambitions? It’s like asking a lion to dance on a tightrope while holding a cub in its jaws, pretending that everything is just fine as long as the audience is entertained. A real man, we are told, finds the balance. But do we ever stop to ask what he’s sacrificing to maintain that delicate poise?

Sure, let’s talk about family and fatherhood. But the truth is, most men are drowning in the sea of their responsibilities while everyone pretends they’re Olympic swimmers. The ancient Arabic wisdom tells us, “Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.” But how can you tie your camel when you’re too busy putting out the fires society keeps lighting at your feet?

Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that the modern man is more than a sum of his accomplishments or the mask of invincibility he wears. “A single bracelet does not jingle,” says the African proverb, reminding us that men too need the village’s support, not just their silent admiration from afar.

Yet, here we are, clapping our hands, saying, “Come, men, let’s talk,” as if this one discussion will unravel decades of expectation. We tell them to speak, yet we snicker if they dare to show real emotion. They are invited to the stage, but only if they remain the actors we expect them to be—strong, unwavering, and above all, silent about their struggles.

The illusion continues as long as men are expected to be more than human—to be pillars in a world that constantly chips away at them. And perhaps the cruelest expectation of all is the one they’ve come to believe themselves: that true strength lies in silence, not in reaching out.

But maybe, just maybe, there’s hope in this new dialogue. Perhaps the very act of speaking is a revolution in itself, a chance to rewrite the script. And in doing so, we might find that the modern man, stripped of his armor, is more valuable to society than the stoic hero we’ve long demanded him to be.

So, men, let’s really talk. Not to tick boxes, but to genuinely hear what lies beneath the brave faces. It’s time to accept that a man’s value isn’t found in how much he endures, but in the wisdom he gains when he chooses to share the load. Because, as the ancient African saying goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” And maybe, just maybe, it’s time for men to stop going it alone.

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