Dear Mr. President, where are you? We are looking for you. It has been long. Are you fine? Are you okay? Are you in Kenya? Are you still in China? Have you been kidnapped?
The last time we heard of you, you were on your way to China in the company of your “brother” Raila Odinga. We heard that the Chinese “refused” to give you another loan. Did that drive you into depression?
Some people told us that you came back from China but we are not so sure about. We haven’t heard from you ever since. We are not even sure if you are in Kenya Mr. President.
A lot of theories are running out here about your disappearance Mr. President. Some are saying that you are somewhere within State House, having a good time. At least we have seen Maggy. She was somewhere launching a fistula clinic. We could ask her about your whereabouts because the security was too tight around her.
Some are saying that maybe, they are using the term “maybe”, that maybe the cartels are holding you, hostage, somewhere within State House, feeding you with bread and water as they run the show. They are indeed running the show. They are all over in churches and in every county.
We are concerned Mr. President. In fact, some are saying that you never made it out of China. That the Chinese are holding onto you as security for their loan. That your brother Raila Odinga came back to “look for the money.” Is that true?
Kenyans have missed you, Mr. President. Not that they want something special from you. No. Since corruption now seems bigger than your small efforts to fight it, Kenyans aren’t expecting much from you about it. In case you went M.I.A because of that, you have nothing to worry.
I think what Kenyans want is for you to at least look like you are doing something, just make yourself busy so that we justify the salary we are paying you as we wait for your term to end. For now, we think you have decided to sit back and enjoy the presidency as you wait for the remaining years to melt. We cannot allow you just to sit and earn a salary.
You took off from Twitter and Facebook. We still don’t know why. Maybe you were tired of our whining. You left Facebook and Twitter to your boys and girls. Just between me and you Mr. President, your boys are doing disastrous online by the way. They are terrible. They don’t know how to communicate.
They are giving conflicting information about your government. Some are even not aware of what they are supposed to say or do. We need you back on Facebook and Twitter but first, you have to tell us where you are. Maybe we can help.
Oh, about the Huduma Namba, we still don’t know what it is all about. People are being threatened to register. Even those who have registered don’t know why they have registered. It is disastrous Mr. President. By the way, what is the use of Huduma Namba again?
Have your boys told you that one of your officers said that those who would have not registered for Huduma Namba will be treated as foreigners and arrested? Can you imagine that? That Kenyans will be treated as foreigners and arrested and even deported. Deported? To where? Will they do to us the way they did to Miguna Miguna? Oh no. Anyway, the way some Kenyans are tired of this country, especially the corruption in your government, am sure they will welcome that deportation with open arms.
Are you still dreaming about the Big 4 Agenda? Forget about it, Mr. President. Time is not on your side. It won’t work and Kenyans know it. Kenyans also know that the 1.5 percent for housing levy from their salaries is meant for the thieves in your government. They want to loot it. They are right though. You cannot blame them.
Mr. President, where are you?