Kenyans woke up on Wednesday with the hashtag #MheshimiwaFisi, as a way of making fun and getting back at their Members of Parliament for turning out to be greedier than what was expected.
It all started with us branding the men and women in the National Assembly as pigs. We called them MPigs. We later realized that pigs were too honorable to be likened to our MPs. It was actually an insult to the pigs and not our MPs.
This morning, we have officially baptized our MPs Honorable Hyenas. Again, hyenas are too honorable to be likened to our MPs but we shall beg to use the title for now until we get a more suitable one. Hyenas have invaded the National Assembly and although it is time to mourn, it is also time to blame ourselves.
According to the Hyenas in parliament, the food they are offered by a 3-star trained staff does not befit the status of an Honorable Hyena. They need services from a 5-star hotel and they want that done as soon as possible. Guess who will pay for the Hyenas luxurious and gluttonous eating? You. The Taxpayer.
The Hyenas want a high-end gym to be set up for them within parliament. The gym should have a beauty parlor and with beautiful ladies who will be performing massage on them. The Hyenas want the beautiful ladies who will massage them at the gym be procured from a school of the blind. In other words, they must be blind. Guess who will pay for that. You. The taxpayer.
The Hyenas want to increase their salaries and want to make sure that the Salaries and Remuneration Commission (SRC), has no say when it comes to MPs’ salaries. They want to be given a free house, a free car and free medical cover for them and their spouses. Guess who will pay for these. You. The taxpayer.
The Hyenas are hiding behind the 2/3 Gender Bill to increase the number of legislators both in the National Assembly and in the Senate. They want more women to be nominated to parliament, automatically increasing the number of legislators in an economy that is already suffocating with debts and corruption. Nominating more women is not a bad idea but the Hyenas will take the opportunity to nominate their daughters, wives, and concubines. It will happen.
What Kenyans should know is that the Hyenas are now united. The famous handshake brought them together and now it is their time to eat. As they eat, it is our time to mourn and make sure they are well fed.