We Thank The Government For Taxes, We The Hustlers Are Happy

There was a King who only survived by drinking tears. A law was therefore enacted, requiring every household to produce a liter of tears for the king to drink.

People would wake up each morning to wail and cry to produce tears. It was believed that if they didn’t, the king would die of thirst. And so they cried. Those who didn’t meet the daily deliverable of tears were sent down the dungeon.

This is the same case with the Kenyan hustlers. I can see them wailing every morning producing tears for the king. And I am happy because their tears mean that my King, the King of the Hustlers is Happy!

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When the King was coming to the throne, he was the darling of the poor. He called them Mama Mboga and Boda Boda. He told them his Kingdom and Government will be for them. That they will walk the streets of the Statehouse as they sing Hallelujah and speak in tongues.

He became the King. The first thing the King’s agents went for was to have plans to ban the sale of Mtumba clothes that employs about 2,000,000 hustlers directly and supports about 20,000,000 others indirectly. We thank the King and his agents for that.

The King also saw it fit that the Hustlers would be happier if the cost of electricity went up. It tripped and life is now better than ever before. At the moment, we even don’t know what we pay to get from KPLC. We just pay and they decide what to give. Khabusie!

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The King, in his God-given wisdom, has said that the tax on petroleum products must double from 8 percent to 16 percent so that Hustlers can have a better life. And we thank him for that. Oh, Hail the King.

Our King knows best. He knows that we are homeless. We live on trees and rocks. Now he wants every Hustler to be deducted 3 percent off his miserable income to fund something called Housing Fund. In 80 years to come, everyone will have a house. Thank you His Majesty, The King.

The King has also seen that small businesses won’t be happy if they didn’t pay between 50,000 shillings and 5,000,000 shillings annually. His Chief Agent, Lord Moses Kuria has said it will be mandatory for every registered business in Kenya to pay that amount.

We thank God for giving us a good King. A King who knows our troubles and tribulations. God Bless The King! Oh, Hail the King!

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