The NSE: A Decade Of Missed Opportunities, Where Dreams Go To Die… And Stay Dead

The Nairobi Securities Exchange (NSE) has the dubious honor of being the worst-performing stock market globally. Imagine an Olympic sprinter perpetually stuck at the starting block, their muscles atrophied, their dreams replaced with existential dread. That’s the NSE for you, a monument to missed opportunities. A decade without a single IPO? It’s the financial equivalent of a drought in the Amazon rainforest.

The current leadership situation doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. They say “trust is earned,” but the government seems to have skipped that memo. It’s like inviting a starving lion to a vegetarian potluck; there’s simply no incentive to show up. Remember Jimnah Mbaru? He was the captain of the ship when the NSE was riding high. Now, it’s like we’ve swapped a seasoned navigator for a landlubber who thinks “port” is just a sweet wine.

Let’s talk about those million untapped opportunities. Devolution was supposed to be the golden goose, a chance for counties to spread their wings and soar. Instead, they’re content to waddle around, oblivious to the potential riches the NSE offers. It’s like having a map to buried treasure but being too lazy to dig.

Kenyans are desperate to invest, their wallets bursting with idle cash. They’re chasing after get-rich-quick schemes, falling prey to financial predators promising the moon and delivering dust. Meanwhile, the NSE sits neglected, its doors creaking open like a haunted house.

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The government’s love affair with PPPs and PIPs is another head-scratcher. It’s like going on a blind date when you have a perfectly good partner at home. Why hand over critical projects to foreign entities who siphon trillions from our economy? It’s the financial equivalent of giving away your family jewels for a handful of magic beans.

Meanwhile, Kenyans are getting fleeced left and right, their hard-earned savings vanishing into thin air. They say “a fool and his money are soon parted,” but this is beyond foolishness; it’s daylight robbery.

The government’s fire sale of key parastatals is another slap in the face to ordinary Kenyans. Why sell off the family silver to unscrupulous individuals when we could list them on the NSE and let everyone benefit? It’s like inviting the neighborhood bully to your birthday party and letting them eat all the cake.

Speaking of ghosts, why are zombie companies still trading on the NSE? They’re the financial equivalent of the walking dead, their businesses long gone but their stocks still shuffling around like extras in a low-budget horror movie.

Our regulatory environment is about as welcoming as a porcupine convention. It’s like inviting investors to a feast and then serving them a plate of thorns. No wonder core investors have fled to greener pastures. They say “birds of a feather flock together,” but these birds have flown the coop.

In conclusion, the NSE is a tragic tale of missed opportunities, a financial graveyard where dreams go to die. It’s time for a radical change, a leadership shakeup, and a regulatory overhaul. Let’s revive this once-great institution and unleash its full potential. As the ancient proverb goes, “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” Let’s get planting.

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